


why can't you fucking hear me

by trixicinkflair



Series: stand-alone multifandom fics [18]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 1st is angsty, 2nd is happier, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Happy Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Hyperventilating, I mean I hope, Multiple Endings, Panic, Panic Attacks, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide contemplation, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixicinkflair/pseuds/trixicinkflair
Summary: -It's almost funny how different things are when he thinks about it harder. It's so much simpler when he breaks it down into short, choppy thoughts.-tws suicide in ch one, suicide attempts in two and three. suicidal thoughts present throughout the fic. the beginnings are all the same, so choose your ending // fic is properly capitaized
Relationships: Platonic LAMP/CALM
Series: stand-alone multifandom fics [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119674
Kudos: 5





	why can't you fucking hear me

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, the title is from a melanie martinez song, what're you gonna do? sue me? do it, coward, what're you waiting for? it's 1am, i have nothing to lose and i don't fear god, fucking come at me mf
> 
> ~ink

It's almost funny how different things are when he thinks about it harder. It's so much simpler when he breaks it down into short, choppy thoughts. (Also surprisingly a lot harder to ignore that the voice correcting him in his head sounds uncannily alike to Logan when he's particularly exasperated with how stupid Virgil is being, kind but firm, like he's trying to drive his point him as clearly as he can.)

 _They need me._ **Incorrect statement, they needed the entity of Thomas's anxiety to remain present in the mindscape. He did not need to be actively social, just exist.**

 _They like me, I'm their friend._ **Another lie, they tolerated him for Thomas's sake, no other reason.**

 _But Patton's always been nice._ **Have you met Patton? He's nice to everything that breathes and a lot of things that don't. He apologized to a door after accidentally bumping it with his shoulder.**

 _They want me around._ **Falsehood, they just are too polite to tell him otherwise. Obviously.**

 _Thomas needs me._ **Close, but still not true. He needs anxiety. Not Virgil. If he were to somehow die, then Thomas would still have anxiety, just without the added issue of having it be a physical entity within the mindscape, which would probably be a relief to all involved, including the other Sides.**

 _Okay....fine. You're right. You win._ **A fast learner. Well done, Virgil. Logan might actually be proud of you for that, if it weren't for how useless you were otherwise.  
**

It isn't until he's holding the knife that he stops to think about what he's about to do. "Wait," he says, his voice no more than a desperate, breathless whisper. "Wait. I can't...I can't die yet."

He takes a deep, shuddering breath and shoves the knife under his bed. He can't die yet. There are things he has to do, places he has to see, advice he needs to give Thomas.

**Stop stalling, coward, you know exactly what you should do. This is for Thomas's benefit.**

"I know," Virgil croaks. "I _know_ dammit."

 _I need to say goodbye, somehow._ **They might stop you, if they think it might hurt Thomas. You don't have that luxury.**

Virgil slumps onto his bed. "But I can't leave without doing it." The images race through his head faster than he can keep up, new ideas springing to kind as he goes.

_He wants to make Patton smile one more time. He wants to have one final debate with Logan. He wants to hear Roman sing. He wants to tell Thomas how proud of him he is. He wants to make pancakes with the others. He wants to smack Janus, but maybe that isn't in character enough to not raise any suspicion._

**Make it quick.**

He's already out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> are you listening yet?
> 
> ~ink


End file.
